Archive for July, 2010

Is My Daughter a Chick Magnet?

July 3, 2010

I went to urbandictionary.com to confirm the current usage of “chick magnet” only to find that young hip people have it all wrong. Contemporary usage seems to imply that it’s a hot car or really good looking well built guy that just seems to attract all the woman.

I can tell you it is definitely not a hot car. It scares the crap out of most of my dates when I speed and over- drive my Toyota MR 2. The only woman I know who enjoy the power are my daughter, my niece and my former wife Dolores. As a matter of fact, Dolores’ self image had her drive a 4 wheel drive Jeep, but when we went out, she wanted me to take the MR-2, drop her at the entrance and go park the car. Now this could hardly be called a chick magnet as it’s all family even though Dolores encouraged me to have sporty cars from when we were first dating and before kids.

The reason that the new definition leaves me cold is that there is nothing much I can do about my age and looks to become a contemporary chick magnet so I have to assume the definition is wrong or give up on women flocking to me. However, in my youth, the concept of chick magnet was something a man could control and is still apparent to this day.

A man with a baby strolling through the mall always attracts attention and some women with the biological urge to reproduce just can’t help walking up to touch the baby or comment on the child. You don’t have to beg for an introduction, the women come to you. Unfortunately, I don’t do babies until they are out of diapers and toilet trained and by the time they are three, babies have lost the chick magnet appeal and may be more a chick repellent as young women are forced to ponder the inevitable end result to a close sexual relationship.

Another popular chick magnet is those cute little dogs with fluffy hair that are not much bigger than a cat or a rat. Once again this ploy wouldn’t work for me as I think animals are not to be seen in public places but to be eaten. I would rather be celibate than to be seen walking a little rat dog around the mall pathetically seeking solace from young women.

Thank God I have discovered the concept of success breeds success. I really try to never fight with ex-girlfriends as they or I move on in life and since I seem to have the luck to be with attractive, intelligent wonderful woman, there is no reason not to go out and be seen with them and just have fun when the romance is out of the relationship. One ex-girlfriend is the life of the party that many want to be like and get to know. If I notice someone who is attractive to me hanging around the edge of my ex’s circle of friends, I check with the ex and if she agrees, I invite both out for drinks.

I have never been turned down and half the time it ends up in the Hot Tub. My ex is my best advertisement and link to new friends. Of course, I have other ex’s who would do everything to sabotage future relationships and keep me celibate.

I have a young friend who has the body of a Greek God and the personality of a TV star. Unfortunately, she has no personal interest in me whatsoever and in general she is living a life of celibacy. It’s almost a total waste except that if I take her to a place like Hooters everyday for a week and then go alone inevitably a waitress will come ask me about my friend and breaking up and start a conversation about relationships etc. It seems the waitress wants to know what I have that allows me to date young attractive people and how can she get some of whatever good is there.

This curiosity runs to me and my daughter and in a weird sort of way she is a much better magnet than my celibate friend or ex-girlfriends. Seems my daughter actually cares about whether I live or die and am happy or not and is not just there for a drinks or a free meal. When she notices an unduly interested waitress, she draws them out in an unnatural fashion and I hear the darnedest things. “Oh, he’s your father, I was wondering what made him special” at which point my daughter actually pitched my virtues to someone half my age.

My daughter the Chick Magnet, you got to love her.

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StarLite Adventure with Dagny

July 2, 2010

Dagny asked where I wanted to go for Dinner on her last day here. We were not cooking in the hotel room because she was poor, we were doing it for the adventure. Since food and money were not really issues as I am still trying to lose weight, I opted for a 2 ½ hour Smooth Jazz Lunch aboard the StarLite. This moderately priced adventure features “Ken and Barbie” singing and playing guitar music that occasionally sounded like jazz but was really closer to piano bar pleasant.

Dagny & Dad Start our Cruise

The ship left from Clearwater Beach which is a pristine, clean. Florida beach (at least until, BP and a Hurricane make land). The ship loaded on time and left on time and the waitress started tanking her orders from patrons. Of course, we disrupted the flow by having our picture taken and she didn’t mind at all.

The cruise along the inland water way was fairly typical for the genera pointing out housing occupied by philanthropists and the rich and shameless. We skipped desert and headed to the Ca pain’s Wheel House and started to walk in and say hello. The first door was locked but that didn’t deter Dagny as she went around to the other side of the cabin and knocked on the door and we were admitted. Of course, I had to take a picture to prove our presence and Captain Mark approved.

Dagny & Captain Mark

Actually the welcoming speech had invited everyone up to say hello to the Captain but we seemed to be the only ones who actually went. Their was only one other person who was acting like she owned the boat and that was a teenage girl who had moved a chair to the upper deck rail and was lounging with her feet on the rail watching the tide, time and boats pass by.

I totally approved and hope she has a life of adventure. I mean what’s the point of spending $10 on a cruise if you don’t act like you own the ship.

My Serious Daughter

I captured this picture of my daughter at the start of the cruise. She makes me laugh and we have a great time but when required she can be very intelligently serious. I am not sure what had her so attentive but would like to believe she was describing her fathers virtues to a sweet young waitress.

Tarpon Springs Adventures

July 1, 2010

Tarpon Springs is North of Clearwater with a population less than 25,000. It is notable for having the highest percentage of Greek-Americans of any city in the US. In size, the community is less than 20 square miles with about half under water. The first Greek immigrants arrived to this city during the 1880s, when they were hired to work as divers in the growing sponge harvesting industry. Like most fishing communities, there are good years and bad based on the whim of mother nature.

When a red tide algae bloom occurred in 1947, wiping out the sponge fields in that region of the Gulf of Mexico, most of the sponge boats and divers switched to fishing and shrimping for a livelihood. The city then converted most of its sponge-related activities, especially the warehouses where the sponges were sold, into tourist attractions. And somebody was bright enough to put a silly plastic Turtle in the middle of the town square. While logic would dictate that it should have been a tarpon, a ninja turtle is definitely more huggable than a Tarpon which is best described as a pugnacious, smelly, inedible, cold-blooded fish.

The first time Dolores and I saw the Turtle was probably 1999. I had always kept in touch with Carol since the day I first met her. When we both married and had kids we kept in touch and our families visited each other in New Jersey, Santo Domingo, St. Croix, Florida and watched each other raise families and pass through life’s transitions. We had comforted each other from afar on the passing of our respective spouses.

Lunch at Hellas with Tracey and Carol

Carol is a gracious hostess and when I was here in May to get probed by aliens. Tracy and I went to visit and have lunch at Hellas a Greek restaurant.

John, Tracey & Turtle

Naturally everybody laughed, had fun and told jokes with an awful lot at my expense. And as we were leaving, I insisted on pictures of us with the turtle. First it was Tracey and I and then it was Carol and I.

John, Carol & Turtle

On Fathers Day, Carol had me join her family for a fantastic feast. I have know her father for over 50 years and he is still earning spending money by betting on his skeet shooting skills and constantly winning. He travels as far as Ohio where he finds people who bet against him because they see an old man on the line. They soon find out he has the eyes of a hawk, reflexes of a bat and nerves of steel as he wins most bets. George is pushing 90 and his family gave him books on sports memorabilia to read for his birthday and Fathers Day. My mom gave up on reading in her late 80’s because it was too tiring so it’s nice to see George keep going.

I told George, I wanted to be just like him when I grow up as we caught up on old times. Carol’s daughter Tara was there with her husband as was Carol’s boy friend. I have know Tara all her life and everybody just adsorbed me into the family. Carol asked to see my daughter when she came to care for me and even though Saturday was my most painful day, we kept our date.

I am glad we did as the walking and company took my mind off pain and I instantly felt better. At lunch, I toasted the special 50th anniversary of our first kiss and Carol asked how I could possibly remember such trivia. Then her eyes lit up as she told me I made up the anniversary story because the first kiss was more than 50 years ago. It made me laugh and smile because she also remembered. Unfortunately, she also remembers all the pranks and tricks that she played on me based on my teenage insecurity and raging hormones which is why we never made it past that kiss..

Dagny and Poppa John

When we were leaving Tarpon Springs, I reminded Carol of my need to capture the Day with pictures of the Turtle. She pointed out that there is far more complexity to the culture of Tarpon Springs than the Turtle. I reminded her that when Dolores and I first came to Tarpon Springs with her, we all did the Turtle thing and if I searched for them, I would find those pictures. I also pointed out that I am not running from her memory because after 43 years of marriage, there is no way to even dream of erasing Dolores from my life. Besides, I believe that she was there both days enjoying the outing as she knew everybody including Carol’s family and Tracey and never missed a pleasant social event.

Dagny, Carol & the Tarpon Springs Turtle

The worst part of the day was thinking about what BP and a hurricane could do to the town. This is not about money, because the cost to relocate 25,000 people is nothing compared to the cost of disrupting all of the population of the Gulf Coast. But once a town like Tarpon Springs is gone, not even Disney could resurrect the authentic version.

As they say in the islands;

“God spare life”, I will live to see Tarpon Springs in a decade, just the way it is.