Posts Tagged ‘spine problems’

Tarpon Springs Adventures

July 1, 2010

Tarpon Springs is North of Clearwater with a population less than 25,000. It is notable for having the highest percentage of Greek-Americans of any city in the US. In size, the community is less than 20 square miles with about half under water. The first Greek immigrants arrived to this city during the 1880s, when they were hired to work as divers in the growing sponge harvesting industry. Like most fishing communities, there are good years and bad based on the whim of mother nature.

When a red tide algae bloom occurred in 1947, wiping out the sponge fields in that region of the Gulf of Mexico, most of the sponge boats and divers switched to fishing and shrimping for a livelihood. The city then converted most of its sponge-related activities, especially the warehouses where the sponges were sold, into tourist attractions. And somebody was bright enough to put a silly plastic Turtle in the middle of the town square. While logic would dictate that it should have been a tarpon, a ninja turtle is definitely more huggable than a Tarpon which is best described as a pugnacious, smelly, inedible, cold-blooded fish.

The first time Dolores and I saw the Turtle was probably 1999. I had always kept in touch with Carol since the day I first met her. When we both married and had kids we kept in touch and our families visited each other in New Jersey, Santo Domingo, St. Croix, Florida and watched each other raise families and pass through life’s transitions. We had comforted each other from afar on the passing of our respective spouses.

Lunch at Hellas with Tracey and Carol

Carol is a gracious hostess and when I was here in May to get probed by aliens. Tracy and I went to visit and have lunch at Hellas a Greek restaurant.

John, Tracey & Turtle

Naturally everybody laughed, had fun and told jokes with an awful lot at my expense. And as we were leaving, I insisted on pictures of us with the turtle. First it was Tracey and I and then it was Carol and I.

John, Carol & Turtle

On Fathers Day, Carol had me join her family for a fantastic feast. I have know her father for over 50 years and he is still earning spending money by betting on his skeet shooting skills and constantly winning. He travels as far as Ohio where he finds people who bet against him because they see an old man on the line. They soon find out he has the eyes of a hawk, reflexes of a bat and nerves of steel as he wins most bets. George is pushing 90 and his family gave him books on sports memorabilia to read for his birthday and Fathers Day. My mom gave up on reading in her late 80’s because it was too tiring so it’s nice to see George keep going.

I told George, I wanted to be just like him when I grow up as we caught up on old times. Carol’s daughter Tara was there with her husband as was Carol’s boy friend. I have know Tara all her life and everybody just adsorbed me into the family. Carol asked to see my daughter when she came to care for me and even though Saturday was my most painful day, we kept our date.

I am glad we did as the walking and company took my mind off pain and I instantly felt better. At lunch, I toasted the special 50th anniversary of our first kiss and Carol asked how I could possibly remember such trivia. Then her eyes lit up as she told me I made up the anniversary story because the first kiss was more than 50 years ago. It made me laugh and smile because she also remembered. Unfortunately, she also remembers all the pranks and tricks that she played on me based on my teenage insecurity and raging hormones which is why we never made it past that kiss..

Dagny and Poppa John

When we were leaving Tarpon Springs, I reminded Carol of my need to capture the Day with pictures of the Turtle. She pointed out that there is far more complexity to the culture of Tarpon Springs than the Turtle. I reminded her that when Dolores and I first came to Tarpon Springs with her, we all did the Turtle thing and if I searched for them, I would find those pictures. I also pointed out that I am not running from her memory because after 43 years of marriage, there is no way to even dream of erasing Dolores from my life. Besides, I believe that she was there both days enjoying the outing as she knew everybody including Carol’s family and Tracey and never missed a pleasant social event.

Dagny, Carol & the Tarpon Springs Turtle

The worst part of the day was thinking about what BP and a hurricane could do to the town. This is not about money, because the cost to relocate 25,000 people is nothing compared to the cost of disrupting all of the population of the Gulf Coast. But once a town like Tarpon Springs is gone, not even Disney could resurrect the authentic version.

As they say in the islands;

“God spare life”, I will live to see Tarpon Springs in a decade, just the way it is.

The Concept of Pain

June 25, 2010

The Happy Face Pain Measurement Scale

About one week ago I sent this email to my sister Anne Marie

Leave tomorrow to go to Florida to get my throat cut. Just in time – I am starting to understand the concept of pain which I more or less rejected since football at age 12. This is beginning to piss me off as it is far more bothersome than getting shot at age 14. Broke down the other night because my standard bottle of wine was not enough to put me to sleep so I actually got up and took 4 aspirin.

That’s probably the first step to Oxycontin addiction.

Hope I can get the doctor to prescribe wine in the hospital. I have excellent tolerance to that pain killer over a lifetime of experience and it seems to have muted all physical and even mental pain in my life.

When the doctors do all my strength and blood tests and liver function tests they kind of don’t accept that I drink my bottle a day because I am very well preserved and one doctor even said” it must be red wine.”

Love John

Well I did not get myself a disc fusion because I was worried about pain, I was worried about the thing moving more than the 1/8 inch it had already wandered out of place, crushing my spinal cord and making me a paraplegic. The doctor suggested that with my lifestyle an accidental whiplash was a high probability event. I can stand and live with the concept of pain, I cannot stand the idea of being paralyzed.

I guess that most people who get back operations need them to mitigate pain because that is all the doctors and nurses are trained to talk to you about and I simply wasn’t interested. They give you a pain manual with a happy face chart to define your pain level, the manual describes all the pain medications that you will get including a self administered drug pump to pump pain medicine into your vein until you pass out and wake up in enough pain that you want to do it again. In addition to the injection pump medicines, you can get needles and pills including narcotics.

I told them I wanted none of it and all I wanted was wine and aspirin but couldn’t have the aspirin because of bleeding. Most wanted to know why I wanted the operation if it wasn’t for pain and so I explained the floating disc which didn’t really bother me except for the fear of paralysis. They asked about how I found out and I told them about my ill defined stroke with no know cause that I walked off in an hour and they told me I would need pain medication afterwords, I said not.

On the actual chart that was used on me, the ranges were 0-1, 1-2, 3-4, 5-6, 7-8 and 9-10. I told them that since 1995 I have never had a pain free day, I just stopped worrying about it because the pain medicines I tried killed my libido and appetite and also gave me nightmares. I decided that sex, food and sleep were three things I needed so I gave up on pills and drank wine and it worked for years.

After my neck was diagnosed as possibly crippling I was told to start thinking about pain and the warning signals I was getting from it. With fear in the picture and listening to the pain signals, I began to feel pain at what I described to be the five to six level prior to the operation.

Just Woke Up to Dagny and My Class 3 Happy Face

I woke up knowing the operation was a success and even had my little 3-4 happy smiley face in place. I refused all pain medicine as I told them I was leaving the next day – no drug pump, no alcohol withdrawal pill, no pain pills, no nothing.

Getting Ready to Dance a Little Irish Jig

The next day I got out of bed alone and the picture of my class 3 happy face was actually pensive as I stood up and did a little Irish jig for my daughter and the nurse to convince them I was fit to go and besides if I hung around the hospital and tripped all over those hoses and wires I would be a liability hazard.

I was disconnect from the wires and hoses and sent upstairs to be checked by the Internist, nurses, physical therapist and every resident and 4th year med student who was curious to see the guy who was insisting on leaving drug free and out of pain the day after his surgery so he could start exercising and get back in shape. The only comment came from the professor who had checked me in and allowed the procedure despite the moderate risk and he told me that perhaps I had understated my pre-operative pain because he thought I looked like I was at the 7-8 level.

I told him I doubted it as when they had pulled the catheter from my penis, I had screamed “Holy F#@*ing – opps, sorry” and accidentally slammed my arm with bandages on the bed rail as I was blinded by pain and swore in front of the nurse and bled about a pint of blood all over the place as it spurted out my vein. I gave that a nine which was at least 4 to 5 hinger than what I was used to and if I was really at 7-8 that would have had to be a 13 which was off the scale.

I guess my every day pain tolerance is different from others and I am glad for that. If I really felt a temporary 9-10 and others live with a daily 7-8, I don’t know how they can stand it and no wonder many resort to pain killers. I hope I never feel a 9-10 pain level again even on a temporary basis.

The sweet nurse forgave me and even apologized even though I was the one who lost it and swore and she was just doing her job.

You just have to love the wonderful staff of Largo Medical Center.

Under the Knife

June 23, 2010

I remember the phrase “under the knife” from my youth and the fear that it invoked mostly because of the fear of the unknown. To me the only unknown factor was whether or not I was fit enough to die. Yesterday, I was declared healthy and able to proceed with my operation,

Seems that I am not the only person who fears the unknown, The biggest issue was the cause of my paralysis incident and whether or not it was a stroke. The team of teaching doctors wanted all the answers before surgery and there was no apparent reason for a stroke. I was in shape, had lost 40 pounds, was eating a healthy diet, and the symptoms were unusual in that it was not complete, didn’t last long enough, and I walked it off without medicine or professional help. Yesterday it was defined as a stroke without the usual symptoms and for unknown causes. This allows them to proceed with surgery after declaring that I was a moderate risk because of their fear of the unknown.

That all doesn’t bother me because there is hope of removal of the neck brace and getting on with my life. I am like one of those high string race horses with a cast on the leg who beats themselves to death in their stall because they cant stand the cast. Last night I drank my wine and went to bed without aspirin and sleep well after I removed the cast in the middle of the night without knowing. I am planning on exercise and Dagny and I are planning on a full recovery in a couple of days.

The pre-surgical paper work is talking about don’t lift 5 pounds, don’t do any strenuous exercise, how to lay flat on your back and wiggle your ankle, don’t drive, the multiple pain medications, don’t swim etc. The only thing I can do is stand up and walk. Dagny and I laid out a 1.5 mile course which I hope we can complete in the 20 minutes of walking time I am supposed to do 3 times a day. Of course, I am supposed to do this outside in Florida without sweating because I am not supposed to shower for a week. And definitely no active sex as if there is any other kind.

Well, the next week will determine whether I am superman of if the caveats of the pre-surgical paperwork are the same for everyone.

American Hygiene & The Miami J Collar

June 21, 2010

I really began to question the personal hygiene of Americans, when I was fitted for my Miami J neck brace. Before I was done wearing it for one day, I was constantly aggravated by the raw skin under my chin from the interaction of the pad and the stubble of my beard. Because of the sensitivity of my skin, I always shaved with one of my wife’s pink razors depleting her supply of fresh new blades while being more or less intimidated by buying my own supply unless on vacation where no one knew me. After all what real man wants to be caught buying pink razor blades by someone he knows.

The brace wasn’t on an hour before I knew it was disgusting. In the next 24 hours, I shaved twice, was stuffing washcloths in front to adsorb the sweat and experiment with everything else from paper towels to tissues. I think I even begged a girlfriend for a pad because women face the same extremes of moisture and shaving stubble hopefully without as much irritation as the Miami J neck brace.

The issue of personal hygiene has always been important to Virgin Islanders. A shower can use 10 to 30 gallons of water depending on how careful you are and then there is the issue of when to shower. Do you do it at night and make your spouse happy or in the morning and make the world happy or how about twice a day. When you have kids who love long showers, the amount of water you use will make it inconvenient when your cistern runs dry and expensive when you buy a new truckload of water.

For me, the morning shower was imperative and additional ones taken as needed based on the amount of sweat and physical activity during the day. Especially now, since the kids are gone from the house and my wife and I never ran out of water.

I had been fitted with the brace with severe warnings i.e. wear it 24 hours a day seven days a week and never take it off or your head may snap and you’ll be paralyzed for life. If you have to clean it, get a friend to do it while you lay flat on your back with your head between two pillows for the two hours it takes to wash and dry the pads. Find a close enough friend that will do this for you and not be interested in recreational sex while you are lying in bed bored to tears because if you have sex, your head might fall off and you will die.

The very next day I went back to the doctors office only to find that the office didn’t know any thing about their being a supply of sanitary pads for the Miami J, so they would get me the Therapist who explained that I should shove a nasty washcloth down my throat and not worry about the appearance. When I complained, he promised to have his distributor contact me which he did. The salesman said he had never heard of such a thing but would check on the availability and I just told him to get me a $100 worth on my credit car and mail them to me. I never herd from him again and I started to worry about the personal hygiene of Americans who could wallow in filth like pigs and not complain.

I then called the manufacture of the device who told me they could not sell me any replacements because I was not a Distributor but they would find me one in the DC area as that was my next trip to America. I have to admit, they recognized that if Americans could be convinced on the need for personal hygiene while convalescing, they would make a lot more money by selling additional replacement pads. The distributor did return my call but had none in stock but would check their records to see if any of the local practitioners had any. None did and that was the end of the trail.

I didn’t bother looking for someone to wash my dirty pads so they could be reused as I considered that an unreasonable test of friendship. In the end when they were disgusting, I washed them myself and since I couldn’t stand the uncomfortable brace just left it off for the 2 hours it took me to do it in my washing machine and dryer. I might have even engaged in recreational sex during the free time without the brace. I also took it off when I went for an hour swim each day and since the thing is so disgusting, I even learned to take it off in the middle of the night when sound asleep. The last one cost when I would sleep in the wrong position and wake up in fairly strong pain.

I also begin to understand why no one complained. Just like a pig would prefer to run free and not to wallow in shit, when confined to a small dirt pen, a pig will learn to eat off the soiled ground and roll around and excitedly wallow in filth while awaiting feeding time. In the end, I learned to accept the sweaty filth and smell of the Miami J without complaining too much or even barely noticing it.

My only fear is that they put this same nasty piece of garbage on my throat after successful surgery and I die from one of those new hospital super bugs that also love to dwell in the sweaty filth of the pads of my Miami J Collar.

In Florida for a Next Adventure

June 19, 2010

I expected the trip to be a disaster. After all when you start a 5 hour trip with all of the problems and delays the airline industry is currently having, high expectations would be a waste of time.Especially when you embark on your trip after 6 pm in the evening.

Now I am either having very good luck with American Airlines or they are getting a lot better. From St. Croix they are a monopoly but they are flying on time and my tickets have been costing about 1/2 of what they cost 30 years ago. Even with a first class upgrade, and a flexible return date, the price of a ticket was still less than it was in the past.

My first joy was getting my upgrade at the check-in counter and not having to stand around and watch the flickering board at the gate to see if I am in a high or low position in the standby lottery for upgrades with flexible rules that favor the traveler with the most frequent flier miles ahead of the one who asks for it two weeks in advance.

My next pleasant surprise was meeting up with my friend Kai  Martin who I hadn’t seen to in awhile and we talked about her family including brothers, nieces and nephews and my family including children grandchildren, nieces and nephews,  my bad taste in young women since my wife died, her living will, my need for one and all the weird stuff that friends talk about as they jump from topic to topic. The trip flew by and we continued to talk at the bar while I continued my medicinal drinking and she had a ginger ale. Of course we were both late for loading, but made our panes.

My next positive event was my seat companion in the first class section.  Seems Jorge was celebrating a monstrous commission that would pay off his mortgage and had spent some time prior to the flight in the first class lounge in San Juan. There is a huge unavoidble time gap between the normal 11 am hotel checkout in Puerto Rico and the 7 o’clock flight time which probably makes the Admiral’s Cub at the San Juan Airport very profitable.

Between Jorge’s euphoria and my discomfort, neither one of us was consumed by the overwhelming amount of alcohol we had consumed so we continued the party in the first class section of the trip to Tampa.  There are  many regulars on this flight and the stewards new and joked with everybody. Jorge was a Cuban Immigrant who had grown up in Tampa and was proud of both.  He was about 15 years younger than me and had a daughter 15 years younger than mine.

He needed and wanted to know about business opportunities in the Virgin Islands as I learned all about the Indians naming Tampa for the lightning storms and the time he spent bonding with his father watching mother nature at work from his porch.  We talked about the bond between fathers and daughters and the time invested now would be repaid later when he was the one needing help just as my daughter is coming to be with me for my neck operation.

I warned him to stay very close to his daughter for the college years which are most dangerous to a young girls because equally smart and attractive young men would be using all there wit and charm to lead her to new and more dangerous experiences like sex, drugs, and “rock n roll”.  He must stand by her for a couple of poor choices and keep trying to  bring her back into the family fold while trying to not  be terribly judgmental for making the same mistakes that many of us did when young..

We talked about growing old and from my prospective of 65, I believe 80 is still young and that my mom was still talking and laughing at 90. She died at 93 with her sense of humor in tact although the rest of her was very worn out. As long as she could smile about the hand that God dealt her, I would not have ever done anything to shorten her life by even a second. Jorge chose 80 because that was when his father’s body had shut down and it was making him feel mortal.

We talked about the joy and pain of having young girlfriends: The health and vigor are a joy to behold; their selfishness, vanity and angst ends up killing the joy.

We  experienced a lightning storm upon arrival with the lightning coming from clouds above and below us and from the ground up.  The lightning was all around us and might have been terrifying if it wasn’t so beautiful. Jorge was in his glory describing all of the different type of lightening that he had learned about from his father as a child.

It was delightful flight getting in 1/2 hour early and I got a cab and was in my hotel room by midnight.

Jorge and I made a tentative date to go to the Dali Museum in St. Petersburg so that my Daughter and he could make a business connection that might have future value for the both of them while we all enjoy the art of Salvador Dali.

“Si Dios Quiere”,  it will happen.

Living Will

June 7, 2010

According to Wikipedia, advance health care directives, also known as living wills, are instructions given by individuals specifying what actions should be taken for their health in the event that they are no longer able to make decisions due to illness or incapacity. The last time I was operated on in Miami, the state forces you to ponder the issue and say pull the plug or keep me alive at all costs.

Now that’s all well and good but incapacity is a very funky word. While I am not expecting any problems because I have faith in my Doctors they are operating on my neck adjacent to my spinal cord and in the past I have suffered momentary paralysis of one leg which I completely recovered from. I do not want to live as a paralyzed person with the current state of medical technology. Let some other person live and become the medical laboratory rat.

Now to make it perfectly clear, If I cannot survive the operation or the lack thereof and still love, cook, eat, drink, screw and set a perfectly bad example for my granddaughters, it is time to pull the plug on what has been a very satisfactory life.

In the meantime, I have employees, family and community all praying for me and anybody who wants can ask my sainted mother (Anne Boyd) to intercede with God on my behalf. (That is a very Catholic Perspective ingrained in my from my youth.)

Meanwhile I notice that my daughter is beginning to think and act a little like her Mother. We only finished Space Camp last week which was her idea from a newspaper story and she has started to plan the next event even though my neck is still in a brace. She sent me following proposal for a Future Adventure.

http://www.skyventurecolorado.com/

For ages 3-103

Based 2 hours from Micheal’s so we could crash in Vail (or in Denver if we wanted) or both. 🙂 Maybe get in some white water rafting?

Poppa John needs to get better first. 🙂

Dagny

She’s to busy to send the word Love, but I know it is there.

Space Camp – Graduation and Reflections

June 6, 2010

Over the course of the three previous days there were two group activities to separate the kids and the adults. Cait joined the kids group for one day and since it was a secret mission never breached their trust and told us anything. The adult group had to design a mission patch.

Now when searching for ideas, Carson and Dagny actually did a search and developed a concept that tied into the Apollo program which was our team name. At the start, I suggest joke patches and asked if we were at camp to have fun with the kids or win some silly contest as to who were the best space campers. Linda who is a very credible copy artist, Carson and Dagny led the charge to win the contest and make our kids proud.

This was an incredible team building event for the adults. The patch was fashioned after the an actual Apollo patch. Which had the Apollo program patch in the center with all of the individual mission patches orbiting around the center patch. As modified, we had the Apollo program patch in the center and smaller circles around the outside representing our geographic locations.

There was a B for Boston, a phoenix for New Mexico, a palm tree for the Virgin Islands the nations capital for Northern Virginia and a fleur-de-lis for New Orleans. Carson surfed the net for images from his cell phone wrote and presented the patch design, Linda did all the detailed art work and Dagny colored the patch. It was spectacular and our team won.

Our kids had an equal success in their secret mission. Their goal was to design a space station on mars, with science labs and solar energy collection and water recycling and a transport vehicle; build it with Legos; and then describe it in a presentation.

Mars Station Presentation

There was also a prize for space bowl which we did not win and a prize for best mission which we also did not win. At the end of the day we won two prizes and each of the other teams won one. We all got a single shuttle pin as our reward.

All the Young Kids

By the end of the weekend the adults were talking about their families and lives as all of the kids were playing with each other. The space camp had managed to merge four unique families into one team. They gave a “Right Stuff” award which was won by a young girl from another group. As a space cripple, I figured I should have been a contender, but was probably eliminated after my superman antics on Day 3.

A Big Hug from Whitney

Fortunately, Whitney forgave me and I got a fantastic Hug from a Wonderful Young Lady. If she ever needs a reference as a caring compassionate educator, I would be honored to give her one as I am sure every member of our group would.

In the end the space camp experience is dependent on the other families and the counselor and it all worked together for a wonderful weekend.

Space Camp – Day Two

June 3, 2010

Space camp started with the 6:30 wake-up followed by the 7:00 breakfast. I haven’t had a camp experience in 50 years but memories of the long lines and bad food came back instantly. One woman from another group called it the Space Camp diet program. You get served food you really don’t want to eat, exercise muscles you forgot you had and walk 5-10 miles a day.

Family Rocket Building, Boyd-Evans Clan

Our day started off in a tame manner, we built rocket ships. This was an amazing exercise as we all sat together for 1 ½ hours working on the same projects. Our family is close but no one likes television. We all go on long walks in Old Town Alexandria – Carson doesn’t. We all play table games like Mahjong and Sims, John and Ana don’t. You get then picture, we all are together but under the best of circumstances there is one person who chooses not to do something and there is no peer pressure to join.

More Family Rocket Building

Well, under the direction of Whitney, we all built rocket ships. For the whole time, everyone built their own and helped others build theirs.

Decorating the Rocket Ships

After they were built, more time was spent on the decorations.

Rocket Designers at Work

No one noticed that Miss Ana had designed her rocket in a different manner.

Ana's Unique Design

At first the other kids laughed but Whitney, said since they all pointed in the same direction and the ship was balanced, the ship would make an interesting experiment because there was no safety issues and the rocket would be launched along with the others.

After the rocket building there was a half hour of outdoor sims ie. Simulations. There was the g force machine that spun you fast enough to generate 4 G’s of force which is the gravitational force exerted on astronauts during take off. There was also the space shot which simulates the effect of being blasted into space.

I did a walk away on these high impact events because of my neck but everybody had so much fun that I wasn’t missed.

Next was the training for the Discovery Space Mission which would take place later that afternoon.

This was scripted role-playing and for the younger set it included scientific experiments to bake foam, silly putty and a super-ball that was actually brittle like glass in your fingers but bounced when you dropped it.

Obviously this was the educational part of the program which balanced the physical.

After lunch, we launched the rockets. There seemed to be some variation in the rocket engines at least that was the excuse I used when my rocket failed to achieve orbit.

As it should be, the young become the masters and Cayla’s rocket went higher than mine.

Miss Ana Launches her Rocket

But best of the day was the rocket designed by Miss Ana. We will never know until we fire it a few more times if it was the engine variation or the design which gave her the edge.

There were a few more educational secessions and a briefing on the more complex Mars Mission that we would be working on the next day. But for the kids of all ages, the Indoor Sims were next as the kids got to climb the wall.

Dagny Reaches the Top

Of course Dagny made it to the top.

Cayla Reaches the Top

Followed by her daughter Cayla

Ana Takes Her Best Shot

Then the Intrepid Miss Ana gave it her best shot and did a credible job.

Once again, I skipped the physical activity which as those who know me would tell you, I am glad I was there for the fun but really wished for more participation.

The cerebral event for the day and for many, the last event period because of Fatigue was the Discovery Mission. Only real astronauts got to where the NASA jump suits.

World's Cutest Astronauts

Cait and Ana were Astronauts.

Poppa John and Dagny

Dagny and I were Mission Scientists on the Space Station.

Day 2 ended early for everyone because we were all tired and couldn’t make it past 8 pm.  Dagny took Ana back to the room because she was starting to get cranky and a half hour later, I took Cayla to the room.  There was supposed to be another kids activity but since Ana and Cayla were not there, the other kids decided to delay the activity until the group was all together again.  Obviously that is part of the fun for grown-ups,  watching individuals morph into a team.

Did I really get probed by Space Aliens in Florida?

May 22, 2010

Obviously, I can’t prove that my doctors were Space Aliens as I never had a chance to probe them, but I can make a very strong case that the Doctors were using Alien Technology. (Start the story at the beginning)

Now the premise of Independence Day was that the government had captured an Alien Space Craft and been working to discover it’s secrets since the 1947, Roswell, New Mexico Incident. A sub-plot was about an alcoholic pilot who claimed to be beamed up by aliens and probed in a manner which invoked such intense pain that he drank to forget the experience because no one believed him until the Alien mothership arrived to destroy earth.

1947 is a clear cut date which establishes a potential cut off for earth based technology and Alien Based Technology. We can expect that the earth based technology should be based on the premise of do no harm while healing and the Alien Technology just wants scientific answers without regard to human pain and suffering.

X Ray

The oldest test in the medical testing arsenal is the X-ray discovered by Wilhelm Rontgen in 1895 when he published a picture of his wife’s hand. He won a Nobel prize for his efforts in 1905. Now this test is somewhat dangerous but I am sure that is true of most of them. On the positive side it is painless and non intimidating. This is definitely a human test.

Electrocardiogram

Willem Einthoven, working in Leiden, Netherlands, invented the EKG (electrocardiogram) in 1903 and in 1924, he was awarded the Nobel Prize for his work. This is a very non intrusive method where they glue some wires too you and take some readings. You really don’t know you are being tested. This is a very humane test obviously invented by humans.

Echocardiogram

John Wild (1914–2009) first used ultrasound to assess the thickness of bowel tissue as early as 1949 based on ultrasound research dating to 1930. For his early work he has been described as the “father of medical ultrasound”. In 1953 the Swedish Scientists were the first to view the heart. Properly performed ultrasound poses no known risks to the patient. This is a very humane test obviously invented by humans. In addition, it is doubtful the United States Army would share secrets with Sweden.

Magnetic Resonance Imaging

The original name for MRI was Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Imaging and this was for a test which took long periods of time for a person to be shoved in a tube which was slightly smaller than their body and listened to a noise that was louder than a freight train roaring down the track. Obviously MRI is a vast improvement in the name even though the rest of the conditions remain the same.

In 1967 the first images of the inside of a body were taken. In the 1970 for the first brain MRI, the subject had to sit still for eight hours and the images took 72 hours to develop. In 1971, Raymond Damadian proved that magnetic resonance could be used to help detect diseases by the different nuclear magnetic relaxation times between tissues and tumors. In 1972, the second MRI image was taken. It was two dimensional which showed the length and width. The first MR image was published in 1973.

When evaluating the cruel and unusual conditions of this test and the fear factors invoked, it is hard to believe that a human invented it and MRI is more likely to be from an alien culture where people are much smaller in size and communicate by telepathy while ignoring sound. In addition to being post 1947 Technology, these are exactly the properties attributed to the Roswell Aliens.

Nerve Conduction Studies

To perform nerve conduction studies, surface electrodes are first fastened to the hand and wrist. Small electric shocks are then applied to the nerves in the fingers, wrist, and forearm to measure how fast a signal travels through the nerves that control movement and sensation. Hardyck and his researchers were the first (1966) practitioners to use the science behind this test. In the early 1980s, Cram and Steger introduced a clinical method for scanning a variety of muscles using an EMG sensing device.

This was definitely the most discomfort of any test I had other than the the Friday night MRI. I cant imagine a human believing that they can get valuable information by electrocuting a person and measuring the response. It’s easier for me to believe that this post 1947 technology came from an alien culture and reached the medical profession from Roswell Research.

Electromyography

From The University of Maryland Medical Center: In electromyography, “a fine, sterile, wire electrode is inserted briefly into a muscle, and the electrical activity is displayed on a viewing screen. Electromyography can be painful and is less accurate than nerve conduction. Some experts question, in fact, whether it adds any valuable diagnostic information.”

It is not until the middle of the 1980s that integration techniques in electrodes had sufficiently advanced to allow batch production of the required small and lightweight instrumentation and amplifiers.

Once again, this test is post 1947 Roswell, and I am sure that an Space Alien can ascertain more information from the test than the University of Maryland Author. This is definitely a crossover test, not only may it be invented by an alien technology, it may take an alien to meaningfully read it.

Conclusion

There is a clear-cut demarcation in medical tests developed before 1947 and those developed more recently. The earlier tests are based on humane treatment and the more recent ones all have cruel and unusual aspects. It is not much of a stretch for me to accept that the intergalactic Space Program of the Space Aliens ran out of money and the abandoned Aliens adapted to our life form and moved to Florida to practice really advanced space age medicine.

In the end I guess I don’t really care if they are Space Aliens or not just so I personally get the best care possible.

I Went to Florida to be Probed by Space Aliens – Day Three

May 22, 2010

So after Day One and Two of being probed by space aliens in Florida, how could Day Three be worse? Well the first two days were based on mental anguish without anything that was really painful especially if you don’t count my drinking a dozen glasses of water to flush the dye out of my system. Day Three included testing methods that depended on physical pain and being electrocuted. No Lie! (To start at the beginning of my Alien Encounter Go Here.)

The nerves in your body carry electrical impulses to the muscles to tell them to move. The speed that the impulse moves determines how quick your reflexes are and if the electrical impulse doesn’t move at all, then you are paralyzed. Nerve Conduction Studies are used to determine damaged nerves that do not transmit electricity.

Over my lifetime, I have been electrocuted several times starting at age 5 when I first started playing with electricity, again at age 12 when I built my first hod dog electrocuter, age 16 when playing with the ignition coil on my 40 ford coup (20,000 volts) and during my adult life whenever I got careless. Electrocution is not really painful, it is “shocking” and causes an involuntary response at every level. The image of the bucking body with a defibrillator or Frankenstein being brought back to life with an electric shock are very real at almost any level of electricity applied to the body.

Nerve conduction studies should be obviously simple a probe is attached to the upper arm and an electrical impulse is applied to the nerves in the wrist area and the speed of the impulse is measured. If the nerve is damaged and there is no response, they just up the power until you do respond. When the power is high enough, your body bucks all over the bed just like a Frankenstein monster and it is a complete body response with arms and legs on both sides twitching in an involuntary manner.

Now since some nerves are damaged and some not, you never really know when the technician is going to up the power. Also since nerves at the wrist are like branches of a tree compared to the upper arm, there are multiple places for them to probe before they get a complete picture.

After the random and aggravating electrocution process had gone on for some time, I asked the nurse if she got her training during the Inquisition and got no response.

The next test was only slightly less aggravating and administered by the neurologist, Dr. Luis Figueroa.

In Electromyography, a very thin flexible wire about three inches long is shoved through your skin and the doctor tells you to flex various muscles while he listens to static. The test is really not painful if you are comfortable with the concept of a thin flexible wire being shoved into your body at various locations on the arm.

I told him my comment about the torture and the Inquisition. His wry answer was that my question was rude because the Technician was far to young to be around for the Inquisition and it should be obvious that the quality of the training could only be had at Guantanamo. Well at least my doctor had a fine sense of humor which is good.

At the end of the day, Dr. Figueroa said that he found a small blemish on the brain that could be associated with a sub-acute stroke but he would like a heart specialist check me out to make sure I didn’t have any additional problem. Yes, the neck was bad but he would be happier if there were two months from the incident before I had the operation. The tests for the day were for carpal tunnel syndrome and yes I have that and may need it operated on someday.

Day four of testing was actually Probe Lite as nothing was intimidating or painful. I had an EKG and echocardiogram which is pretty much a sonogram and as most mothers know this is not a terribly evil test. Both tests came out fine.

Obviously the red wine had won the battle of clogged arteries and my only problem was my blood pressure was high. But go figure, my wife died six months ago and my grandchildren were still suffering, I went back to the gym, lost 40 pounds, was paralyzed, my mother died, traveled 1500 miles to the funeral two weeks after being paralyzed, I had a brain scan, been pumped full, of dye and electrocuted. I am amazed and thankful that the stress didn’t kill me.

My story would end right her but during cocktail hour yesterday, people were asking me about the neck brace and I said that it is hard to conceive of any test worse than my Nerve Conduction Studies. One woman popped up and said she could top me. First she had it done twice, once locally and again when she went for the operation. In addition, they had done her legs and she pointed to a spot, just below the end of her bating suit in the groin area where they attached the fixed electrode.

As a guy I cringed and accepted that the fact that her alien probe experience was far worse than mine.